Dreamwork

I tried a suggestion of Eva's last night before I went to sleep.  Go read her post & then come back.  It's ok, I'll wait.

OK, you back?  So I've been dealing with a pretty grave hurt, a pretty vicious wound.  And Eva's suggestion seemed like sound advice & more than my own broken heart was coming up with.  So I did some centering & breath exercises, then asked my nine Animal helpers, each by name, to assist me (as Eva describes) as well as my three angels.  And boy, did I get some help!

At first the dream seemed to be a nightmare.  But as so many nightmares are, upon reflection, it was actually a blessing & a reassurance.  A timely reminder; don't be scared of your nightmares!  When I awoke, just before it turned into the screaming my lungs out kind, where Big G has to force me back to reality, I couldn't remember any of it, just that I'd been deeply disturbed.  But it soon came flooding back. 

I asked who had brought the dream, who was speaking & Grandmother Turtle immediately identified herself. Blessings upon her.  My personal symbology of her is the Sustainer, the Grandmother, the Provider, ancient, compassionate & wise beyond measure.  She who takes her time, who does not rush forward, but deliberates & allows unfolding to happen in perfect timing.  My contribution to receiving the wounds this past week was as a direct result of my not employing these traits of hers.  Rather, I allowed hurt to guide my words & heart & so incurred an even greater wound than the original.  And so I learn.

The dream:  I was a nurse again & my patient was a 38 year-old woman who was dying of kidney failure.  I had done everything I could think of to help her & she only grew more sick.  She was actively dying & I was frantic.  Then an unseen Helper handed me a huge syringe – maybe as big around as a large carrot & with a six-inch needle.  I understood that this Medicine (& in the dream, I knew it was capital M medicine) was her only hope.  The Medicine was very beautiful – clear liquid full of floating parti-colored particles.  But I knew that if I injected it into her, it would kill her, because the particles would act as hundreds of emboli.  Yet the unseen Helper had been quite clear – she must get the injection. 

This is when I knew it was a shamanic dream – a required death to achieve life.  Yeah, uh-huh, been there, done that.  But I was too frightened to do it, I just couldn’t.  Then I knew I had to revisit a labor & delivery unit where I used to work.  In fact, the unit was where I worked to pay for my nursing school & was where all three of my children were born.  So in the dream, I went there & rummaged around through some cupboards then was back at my patient’s bedside.  Which, btw, was not in a hospital room, but in a lovely garden but with all this ICU equipment all over.

Now an assistant came to help me because the patient’s death throes were getting more intense. 

The patient wore a bandage around her lower torso & as my assistant & I discovered, she was hemorrhaging profusely through the bandage. The assistant said something along the lines of, “Oh if only we had the right medicine to help her!”  I said I did have it but, “Wait until she sees the size of that six-inch needle.”  Even as I was speaking these words, I was telling myself to be quiet, because the patient could still hear & the words would frighten her.  Sure enough, as soon as they left my mouth the woman began shrieking, thrashing, she shriveled away & died.  Then I forced myself awake.

Personal symbology:

Turtle – as described above.  She occupies my North, place of winter, of death just prior to rebirth, so indeed is a Crone figure.  She assists with dying so that new life can come.

38 (year-old woman) – numerical value of 11, an angelic message: “We are here with you.”

The Patient – myself, struggling to transform.  Wanting the shamanic existence, yet fighting the required death, hemorrhaging, struggling, and full of fear.  Not just being & allowing.

The Unseen Helper – The Divine – God, Goddess the One Who bestows the Medicine (cure).

The Assistant – the myself who is busy in the waking world trying to get well.

The Labor & Delivery unit – A place where I both worked & labored (typical dream pun), the place where birth & rebirth happen simultaneously.  Also a place where Death is familiar, for women dance with Death during labor.

The Medicine – beautiful but would kill before it heals.

The Syringe – a grossly over-sized medicine delivery tool – inappropriately large – “overkill.”

Meaning:  We’re all here with you, helping you.  Look to Grandmother Turtle’s example, her way of being.  Slow down, surrender even more than you have, trust the Divine One Who gives the cure.  Remember all the work you’ve done & trust in this.  When you allow your fear to control you, you cannot properly use the tools you already possess & spiritual hemorrhaging occurs – at the root chakra level, this can be fatal.

I’m sure more subtle parts will come as I sit with this dream, but that’s all for now.

Comments

[Eva Yaa Asantewaa]

As always, I am astonished at what a resource your blog is! Thank you for mentioning that it's useful--and a powerful shamanic tradition--to face one's nightmares straight on.

I'll share a bit of how my own exercise helped me this morning. Before I went to sleep last night--deeply exhausted--I asked for help in quickly, efficiently taking care of something I planned to do early this morning. Well, the answer came in the form of my oversleeping by 45 minutes! I guess Spirit knew I needed the sleep more than I needed an early start on things, and when it came time, I had plenty of energy and good spirits and dispatched the project quickly and neatly! LOL!

Every blessing,
Eva :-)

[Kala]

letting go of the familiar is always the most difficult part but you will know when you are ready xx