Day 3 of Gratitude Month.
Today I'm grateful for grace. There are many theories & notions about grace & how it comes to us. I don't talk about grace much, because I think my ideas about it may be pretty audacious. Possibly heretical, even. Not that I give a flip about that! I believe grace comes to us in times of dire need & without our asking for it. A freebie from God, if you will. And I also believe that we're so beloved by our Creator, that grace is available to us at any time we decide we would like to avail ourselves of it. I've experienced both kinds & the joy grace brings, for me at least, has nothing to do with how desperate I am or am not.
In a worship service once I felt very desperate indeed. I'd been too sick to work for awhile & was in deep financial straights. I was nearly frantic with worry because I had no money to buy cat food for my boykin. We all sat in a circle in this service & took turns requesting prayer. I asked that my financial burden would be eased & a $100 bill literally materialized in midair before my eyes & wafted to the floor to land on top of my purse. There was delighted laughter all around & I got my cat some food, but I was in a state of shock about it for quite a while. Joyful, but shocked nonetheless.
When I was 17 I was abducted at gunpoint from my job. I was alone, it was a frigid January midnight & my assailant wore a ski mask. He kept his gun pointed at my head during what felt like hours of driving, but was probably only around 30 minutes. My life did, in fact, pass before my eyes & I kept thinking of my poor grandmother having to identify my body. I asked that she be spared that & I asked for help.
When we at last came to a stop, we were in a deserted graveyard covered with snow. He removed his ski mask & now I felt he would surely kill me. I felt very calm & peaceful & I asked God just one more time to protect my grandmother. The silence in the car roared in my ears. Suddenly he looked up into the rearview mirror, his eyes wide, panicked, terrified. His head began to whip back & forth as he scanned the area all around my car. I got a psychic hit of my car being surrounded by angels which I could not see, but which he certainly could. Big, bad-assed angels with all sorts of interesting weaponry & itchy trigger fingers. Who knows, that's just the image that popped into my head.
He restarted my car drove like a bat out of you-know-where, took me back to civilization, got out of my car, couldn't apologize enough, begged my forgiveness & then it was my turn to drive like a bat. That's the kind of grace that snatches you from the jaws of desperation or mortal danger & there's no doubt in your mind that Whomever engineered it, it wasn't you. It's the kind where God reaches out & scoops you up & you'd no more kick & squirm & demand to be let go than you would cut off a limb. You want to save me God? You go right ahead, I'll just hunker down here & stay out of the way.
The other way I think grace comes to us is when we're so not in our own way that blessings flow effortlessly into our lives & affect matters large & small. It feels so normal & natural as to make one think this is the natural way God means for our lives to flow. I believe that with all my heart. I believe we were all born for joy, to learn lessons in gentle, loving ways as opposed to 2x4 encounters. The only thing that keeps us from the flow of creativity between ourselves & God is - ourselves. We really need to stop doubting ourselves & God, stop talking mean about ourselves, stop believing we're not so special. We deserve gentleness, forgiveness, second chances. Then we can access the grace that is already extended to us in the Creator's outstretched palm.
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